I was tired yesterday and, as a result, a bit grumpy. I looked for a threat in every comment aimed towards me. I assumed people were doing things for the sole purpose of winding me up and became unnecessarily argumentative. Thank fully it didn't last long - an hour or so. At which point I caught it, apologised and did what I needed to, to mitigate it. Whilst these these bursts of anger and defensiveness are now rare, it wasn't always this way. In actual fact, I used to behave like this fairly often, especially circa 2014-2017. What Changed? A lot. Back then, I was not living true to myself. In the absence of knowing who I was, I tried to be who I thought others wanted me to be. I wasn't leveraging my gifts and neither was I living the lifestyle I didn't know I craved. This caused inner frustration, resentment, anger and tension. A lot of which I projected outwards. In short, I was not living in My Playground, and this massively impacted how I was showing up. Fast forward to now, via the long, ongoing journey of self-discovery, I feel more connected to my true self than ever before. This reconnection to myself has brought with it a sense of peace. I no longer approach many of my interactions as if I'm going into battle. I show up more positively, more collaboratively and, dare I say it, more calmly - unless I'm watching Man Utd.
Why is this relevant? I am not sharing this story to come across as holier than thou, Lord knows I am still capable of behaving like a proper dick. I am sharing this story because, for me, it's part of a really important lesson.
Many of us know we're not showing up as our best selves but to deal with it, we ask ourselves the wrong question. Instead of asking ourselves, 'what can I do to lessen the symptoms?', often leading us to meditate, sleep, smoke, drink, exercise etc. I believe we need to look underneath and ask ourselves 'WHY am I behaving this way?'. Have a look for what's missing or misaligned in your life. In what ways are you muting your personality, or denying the world your gifts? What desires or visions are you not allowing yourself to own? Do you feel you're sacrificing your own happiness for that of others? In short, how far do you feel from Your Playground? The further you are from your Playground, the more effort it takes to get through life, leaving less energy for creativity, positivity and impact!
If you're brave and honest in your search, what you find may change your life!