How often are you left frustrated or disappointed by something or someone? It used to happen to me ALL THE TIME - seriously I could be a grumpy bastard when things didn’t go my way.
I would be arsey when someone turned up late. Seething when Paypal locked me out of my account unannounced. Disappointed when someone didn’t do something they said they’d do. This would happen on a weekly, sometimes daily basis and left me wound up like a nine day clock.
On the surface all seemed well, but underneath I was carrying more anger and stress than I realised and it was impacting my relationships (sorry, Kim) and my health!
Thankfully now I am much calmer and more at peace with how life unfolds (most of the time), to the point where a client client recently said (whilst ranting about a situation in her life) “you’re so shitting zen!”
For anyone who knows me, this is a laughable claim but nonetheless, an air of acceptance has replaced the anger and frustration. AND, best of all, this transformation was shockingly simple to create. I wish I’d known earlier the steps to take. In fact it’s not even steps...it’s STEP. Singular.
How to reduce disappointment
Step 1: Lower expectations.
Step 2: See step 1.
That’s it! Simple.
The gap between expectations and reality is disappointment.
You therefore have two choices. Control your reality, include everything and everyone around you. Or adjust your expectations. Not just of other people, but of service providers, businesses, politicians, COVID restrictions and most importantly....YOURSELF.
Guess which choice is actually possible?
Now I know many of you high performers may be guarded against ‘lowering expectations’, likening it to giving up, or ‘settling for less’, and that’s what stopped me embracing this mantra for years. But have a think and see whether that fear is actually born out of a lack of trust in yourself.
“If I lower my expectations, I will no longer perform at the top level”
“People respect me for my high standards. I don’t want to become like everyone else.”
I’m sorry but this theory is bollocks.
When you lower expectations of things you cannot control, you are disappointed less, and therefore happier more! When you are happier, you have more energy. When you have energy you build momentum and confidence.
Over time confidence in oneself (the deep seated kind, not the skin deep bravado kind), leads to trust.
Trust then leads to peace and peace is where the magic happens!!
So, if you find yourself angry or disappointed a lot and you think it may be impacting your performance and happiness, lower your expectations and you might just become “so shitting zen!”